As I Frito-Lays Dying

Really? Like the folks who eat Cheetos suddenly are panicked they're eating crap? Like the folks who eat good-for-you foods suddenly have a hankering for cheesy taste that stains their fingers to the point you can't just lick it off, you sort of have to scrape your fingers with your teeth to remove it?

And why, yes, sometimes I eat Cheetos; they keep me awake on long car drives, if you must know. And I mostly eat "natural" food. (That we now have the term natural food tells you everything you need to know, doesn't it.) But if I'm going to eat a Cheeto, it damn well better be miserable for me--that's the whole point.