The Island of Misfit Torchon

A couple of observations from this week's Top Chef (spoilers, sort of)--Season 10, Episode 15.

First, and maybe it was just the dog-sledding and the glaciers and snow, but were these two separated at birth? And sorry I couldn't find a screen cap of Josh in the snow.

Second, was the Quickfire Challenge nothing more than an excuse to fly in a helicopter? Brooke won, and got nothing for it. No moolah, no year's supply of plastic wrap, not even a sled dog puppy (which, no doubt, she would turn out to be afraid of). No advantage going into the Elimination Challenge. Have they ever done that before on TC?

Bonus Beats: Colicchio on Risotto and Rock and Roll

My feech on Tom Colicchio, who will be presented by UCSB A&L on February 22, is in print today (not yet online, so no link yet, sorry), and even at 700 words, I ran out of space to include all the juicy tidbits he offered. For instance, did you know that the costume designers have a bet with each other as to which one can get Padma in the ugliest outfit? OK, he didn't say that (he didn't have to). But I did ask him, what's more dangerous to prepare on Top Chef, dessert or risotto? And he said: "None of that should be hard. Food often has a tendency to continue to cook off the heat, which is why you let a steak rest before serving it, and I think a lot of contestants know that and count on it. For risotto that doesn't carry over--lentils are like that, sometimes potatoes--and then the contestants undercook it, thinking it will finish cooking. Also since you start tasting it when it's really raw and then keep tasting, it fools you into thinking it's done. I've had times when I made it and it comes up to the line and I taste it again and I realize it's not done enough and I send it back."

And one thing you might not know about Colicchio, especially since he's never taken the opportunity to step onstage with any of the bands that have played at any of the rocking events where the contestants have to each make a meal for 200 all by themselves while blindfolded and dangling over a shark tank (you saw that episode, no?). He plays guitar, calling it a "serious hobby." "I play everyday up with the kids between 6 and 7, and then in the evening watching the news," he says, refusing to say what riffs best block out Mitt Romney or Rick Santorum or New Gingrich (rock and rollers all). "At home I usually play finger-picking blues, but out, that's too difficult," he says, "Fortunately I have friends who are good musicians and they'll let me front the band. We'll do Dylan, Neil Young, stuff like that."

If Chef Means Boss, What Does That Make Springsteen?

Generally I feel pretty removed from popular culture. For instance, after being coerced into watching the full video for Lady Gaga's "Born This Way," was I outraged she lifted so much from Madonna's "Express Yourself"? Of course not. I was pissed off she lifted Bernard Herrmann's title theme from Vertigo.

So, what does this have to do with food, you might ask? It's that I find Top Chef sort of irresistible. Sure, it's all ginned up with twist silliness one hopes most chefs don't have to deal with, from cooking with one hand to stripping down, diving in, and catching your own conch (although you'd think Ludo Lefebvre would have been a natural for that on Top Chef Masters). Yes, over the course of its eight seasons it's mirrored the real world problems with high-end kitchens and rewarded more white men then women or people of color as top chef. Yes, you completely know it's edited in a way to leave you guessing till the end what's going to happen, even if what's going to happen is pretty clear, really. Heck, they even toss in red herrings (not actual fish--that would be more amusing, to at one point pummel the contestants with yet-flapping red snapper or something), for I'm sure I wasn't alone assuming Wednesday night when they focused on Jamie sous-chefing the jalapenos and asking about seeds, something would end up too fiery for some judge, but not a pepperoni-sauce-loving Gail. (Poor Gail--I swear there's an unwritten rule that she must get edited to look a bit dufusily goofy every episode to make Padma look even better, sort of like Vivian Vance and Lucille Ball back in the day...but then again, once you consider how they dress Padma, that idea sort of goes out the window--never has a beautiful woman worn more ugly unflattering outfits on one show that wasn't a comedy.)

The good news is [spoiler alert!] that Richard Blais can finally rest becalmed at the top of self doubt mountain--victory is his. And it wasn't easy, as Mike Isabella matched him dish for dish (almost--Blais sneakily worked in an amuse bouche, too, that people loved and you have to assume that brown-nosey extra mile can't hurt in a world as regimented and suck-upy as the kitchen). And, as is so often when things get close on TC, dessert almost turned out to be Blais' downfall as he took a great risk and (no surprise) nitrogened up some ice cream. The surprise--he made it flavored with foie gras. Makes sense, richness into richness on some level, especially at a restaurant he named Tongue & Cheek (a clever play on the usual phrase, plus a tip of the cap to something offal, even if his menu was actually hoof-n-snout light beyond some sweetbreads and marrow). Alas, the first servings of it were too freeze-dried up, and if you ask me he won the evening by correcting the mistake before the second round of judges hit the restaurant. What better sign of how good a cook you are than to be able to make improvements on the fly?

And, as far as temperaments go, I'm always going to side with the self-doubter rather than the brazen Jersey boy, despite being a Jersey boy myself. So sorry, Mike, but pack your pride and go.